For Karen. . .

Hey, Karen, guess what? You get your own blog post! This one's for you! . . .

Imagine my delight at opening my email inbox today, and receiving not one, not two, not even three, but four new comments on my blog today. I was excited, thinking maybe someone had read what I'd written, and wanted to let me know they'd been touched by it. It's happened before! Honestly! But, sigh. . . not today. Each response was from just one person: my new friend, Karen. And each one was a recitation of all the ways in which I was wrong on that day's topic.

My first inclination was to respond to each comment, point by point, and explain what you'd failed to see in the original post. To refute your criticisms. To defend myself and my hard-won positions. And then I realized the futility in such an effort. Because I realized, Karen, that you haven't come here to engage me in enlightening dialogue because you're interested in my viewpoint and perspective. You want only to point out where I am wrong, and to bolster your own views by tearing down mine. As I pointed out once before, you seem much more interested in confrontation than conversation.

Karen, you have expressed yourself in a most articulate manner. Your faith seems to be well thought out, and your testimony well grounded intellectually. You obviously are committed to the church, and seem to have spent considerable time studying the gospel. But, I think maybe you have missed the point. Granted, this is only my opinion, but you don't seem to be communicating from the heart, with love and compassion for your fellow man (or woman). Your comments feel condescending, written only to point out the flaws in my arguments, not with any attempt at truly understanding where I'm coming from. In other words, I feel attacked and condemned. Misunderstood. Misjudged. Is this how I've made you feel in my posts? And I ask that question in all sincerity, as I'd hate to think I've made you feel a smidgeon of what I'm feeling. If that is the case, I'm sorry. I am truly sorry.

Karen, you said that your sister-in-law has also left the church, and has said many of the same things I've posted. And I think maybe you are reacting to that situation much more than to my writings. Are you perhaps scared, fearful for her soul, and sorry for her family's loss? I understand those feelings. But maybe you would be better served addressing those concerns with her, and not here, where it does little good. Maybe it's time for a conversation with your sister-in-law. And keep in mind the admonition to seek first to understand, then to be understood. That's what we all want, isn't it? To be understood, and then loved, in spite of our flaws.

Yes, Karen, I am flawed. Deeply so. And I admit that I could be, and in fact probably am, wrong on so many things, in so many ways. I blame it on the human condition. I try to stay open to new ways of looking at life, and the meaning of our existance. But, like you, I have also spent considerable time considering my positions, and my beliefs. Many years, in fact. And I came to the conclusion that, for me, religion does not have satisfactory answers. I have found the peace I seek outside of the Mormon faith; in fact, outside of Christianity. I never anticipated finding myself here, but here is where I am. And I like it. It doesn't feel dark and lonely. I don't think I am under the influence of Satan. I feel happy, lighter, peaceful. And I'd really like to know, Karen, why my feelings are less valid than yours, that the church, and the gospel, are true? How can you be so sure that what I feel, what I've experienced, comes from a dark and evil source? Why are you so convinced that I've been deceived by Satan? Why can't you admit the possibility that I'm okay where I am, and that I'm right before God?

I made a decision early on that I wouldn't debate believing members of the church, for several reasons. Mostly, because I have no desire to win converts to my way of thinking. I have no desire to convince you, or anyone else, that I'm right and you're wrong. I have absolutely no intention of swaying anybody toward my way of thinking concerning religion. I'm of the opinion that we are each entitled to believe what makes sense to us, what leads us to peace, and what inspires us to make the world a better place. And believe me when I tell you that I have found all of that outside of the Mormon church. Of course, you don't believe me, and you won't, no matter how eloquent my argument. And that will have to be okay. I can't convince you that there is any validity to my views. We will have to agree to disagree.

Which brings me to another reason I don't debate believing members, such as yourself. These conversations rarely bring understanding. Neither party walks away feeling better about the other. It's a no-win situation. For that reason, maybe it's time for you to walk away. Maybe it's time for you to go back to your life and focus on how the gospel of Jesus Christ can penetrate your heart and bring peace to your soul. Maybe you can take a little of what I have said to heart, and look for ways to connect with your sister-in-law, outside of religion, and maybe reach a different understanding of her. Just think of the difference you could make in her life if you reached out to her with a desire to understand rather than to convince. Maybe you could be friends. Imagine the pain and loneliness you could alleviate just by loving her. Without judgement. Without condescension. Just love, Karen. You can do that, can't you?