The end of famine begins with me....

I have this bad habit of asking God for really trivial things, and then getting them. Like today, for example. As I was driving my daughter and her friend to the pool for an afternoon in the sunshine, I thought to myself, "Please God, let there be a table with an umbrella available for me to sit under while I read my magazine." And I was immediately ashamed of my 'prayer', realizing the triviality of praying for shade when there are starving children in the world. Of all the prayers sent heavenward today, mine had to be the most selfish. And, to be fair, I'm not sure my utterance could be considered prayer, as much as just an ingrained way of thinking.

Anyway, we got to the pool, and looked around for a place to settle. The girls wanted sunshine to 'tan'; I was thinking more of a relaxing chair where I could enjoy The Reader's Digest and listen to the screams of children at play. And, of course, some shade. It being toward the end of the summer season, there were only six tables left with intact umbrellas, all of them occupied. Then I saw a mother gathering her flock and their flotsam, and made a beeline for their table. It was on the far side of the tables, and I figured someone else would surely beat me to it, but no one else seemed to be paying attention. So, I got my shade, and settled into a plastic Adirondack chair for an afternoon of reading, happy and content. And then, once again, I was engulfed in shame. I honestly felt tears come to my eyes as I contemplated Somalian mothers begging God for food to stave off starvation for one more day, burying their children when no relief from famine miraculously appeared before them. And the prayer that got answered today was for shade?

I don't think it was anything more than coincidence, but it really got me thinking about prayer, and God, and the capriciousness of life. I have a tendency to overthink things, obviously, but seriously, shade? I don't get it. Maybe it is all just trivial, and there is no conduit from us to the divine and back again, and I'm just imagining stuff. But then again, I've experienced enough to make me think there is something out there beyond what the mortal eye can see. So why am I so stuck on the possibility that God answered my prayer today for shade?

I've always struggled to make sense of the idea that praying for those suffering unspeakable horrors, such as watching their children starve to death, makes any difference at all. Why wouldn't God send them help and relief regardless of the faith and pleadings of strangers, but simply because they, too, are his children? Is he really so heartless that he would withhold compassion simply because we neglect to ask him for that favor? I don't understand that God, and I don't want to worship him. And I certainly don't want to become like him. I know how my thoughts come across to devout worshipers, and I don't mean to sound blasphemous, or arrogant. But if God wants my love and devotion, he's going to have to do better than provide me with poolside shade. Bless me to know how to end the famine in Somalia. Or civil wars that rage in many nations, devastating families and traumatizing children. Give me the ability to cure cancer. Or stop child abuse. Or maybe just bless me with the desire to pray for more than shade for myself. And then give me the opportunity to be his hands and offer relief to those who suffer from more than lack of shade.

So I guess the task before me is to do more than sit on my ample behind crying for starving Somalian children and the mothers who bury them. Maybe there is someone within my sphere of influence who is suffering because I'm spending more time looking for shade than seeking ways to love and bless those in need. Maybe I just need to get out of my own head for awhile and do something kind for someone else.