It is always now

Last week, I poured all of my sorrow into a blog post, my longing for the life I didn't get to have. It was good to get it out, as it was festering, and threatening to overwhelm me with regret. However, it's time to move on. It's time to get back to the business of living the life I did get. And it's a pretty good one.

I had a couple of a-ha moments this week, both inspired by friends who, without knowing it, gave me exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it. Life works that way sometimes.

An old friend called me several days ago, and in the course of our conversation, I was reminded of a story she told me a few years ago, a story that helped her cope with a life-changing diagnosis given to her young son. Imagine that you have planned a trip to Italy, a dream vacation that has been months, maybe years in the making. You have the perfect itinerary mapped out, with visits to Sicily, Naples, Venice, the coliseum. Hiking in the Alps. Playing on the beach. Wine-tasting in Tuscany. Strolling through the courtyards and cobblestone streets of Rome. Seeing the Vatican up close and personal. Truly a dream vacation. (Stop stressing about the cost! You won the lottery, okay?!) This is the trip of a lifetime, and you are excitedly anticipating your grand adventure.

Then the plane lands, and you are not in Italy. You have arrived in Holland. The land of rain, and wind. No Rome, or Tuscany, or coliseum. No sunny beaches. No tour of wine country. What a let-down this is. Holland?! Holland! This is a miserable turn of events. (A friend pointed out to me, upon hearing this story, that somebody needs to fire the pilot!) This is not where you wanted to go, where you had planned to go, the trip of a lifetime. All that anticipation, and no satisfaction. I wanted to go to Italy! I planned to go to Italy! I don't want to vacation in Holland! Sigh.

So, now you have a choice. Mourn your lost trip to Italy, or explore Holland and find out what it has to offer? Many people actually plan trips to Holland, intentionally! Maybe there is something to see and enjoy here after all? As it turns out, Holland has many treasures awaiting you, even a world-famous, beautiful beach. All is not lost! You can still have the vacation of a lifetime; it just won't be the one you planned.

I'm reminded of a line from a favorite movie, Dan in Real Life. "Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised." Planning ahead isn't the problem; it's good to have goals, ideas about what we want from life, and how we're going to get there. But, life is full of surprises, confusing twists and turns, unexpected forks in the road. That is one of the constants of life, it's unpredictability. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone or something comes along and bam! Everything changes. Sometimes in an instant. So where does one go from there? Sit and stew and mourn? Or move ahead, exploring Holland's beaches, and cobblestone streets, and historical monuments? And their wine country. Yes, Holland has world-famous wines! All is not lost. It just requires a change of heart, an acceptance that the dream of exploring Italy did not come true, but a new dream is possible. And a willingness to explore your new reality, being open to all that it has to offer. Welcome to Holland.

My other a-ha moment came while watching an excerpt from a Sam Harris lecture, posted by a friend on facebook. "It is always now". You need to go watch it. Now. Really. It won't take long, and it might give you something to think about. I experienced an epiphany while listening to this short narrative. A realization that I'm wasting the 'now' by mourning the 'what-could-have-been'. This is the reality I have been given by fate, the universe, life. I didn't plan to be here; in fact, I didn't really plan much of anything. I didn't 'plan' a trip to Italy, but I certainly didn't expect to end up in Holland. However, my life could be worse. I could have landed in Algeria. (hugs to my friend; you know who you are!) I'm here, with a loving, kind, adoring husband. Four great kids. A job I like, one that provides security and benefits to my family, which is no small thing in today's world. Friends. Extended family. Shelter. More food than I need. I have a lot, and I'm mourning what I don't have? The Eagles said it best, in Desperado: "Now it seems to me, some fine things have been laid upon your table, but you only want the ones that you can't get." I have some fine things upon my table. I don't want to miss what is here, right now, because I can't get over the ones that I can't get.

"The past is a memory, a thought arising in the present. The future is merely anticipated; it is another thought, arising now. What we truly have is this moment." Wise words from Sam Harris. I have now, right now, this very moment, and it is always now.